I keep stressing

I'm stressed, again. But why should that surprise anyone? I've been feeling so overwhelmed lately that sometimes all I want to do is erase everything from my internal hard drive and just forget everything that bothers me. First thing that is itching at me is money, woo hoo. I am paying off my credit cards this year and that is it! I will pay them off this year even if it means not eating as much as I should.
Second thing that is bothering me is the fact that I need a new laptop, bad. I want to get a Macbook, but resources are very very low. So in the mean time this piece of crap I am using is testing every bit of patience that may reside within me. *&^$%#@!!

Third thing that is bothering me is the fact that I need to figure out what I am doing after I graduate. I know I am somewhat thinking way ahead of myself, but I have just been getting my hopes up about this PhD program in NY but chances are I won't be admitted due to what I call paper flaws. My GPA isn't as strong as someone who has gotten straight A's all their life, I haven't been as involved as other people. So all these things just jam up into my brain and fiddle around with my thoughts. I become more and more aware of my flaws than of my strength, and I know it's wrong, but I can't really do anything to stop it. I have a couple of backup plans, I am applying to NY, Miami, California, and Puerto Rico. The latter one is still up in the air due to many, many, many reasons and I don't know if that option will come into fruition, however it IS an option. And I guess that's also another bad thing, the fact that there are so many options and I need to make just one decision. It's tough.

ANOTHER thing that is itching at me is the fact that I am not sure if it would be reasonable for me to go to Argentina. As much as I want to, I don't know if it would make much sense considering my financial situation. I mean, I just got back from Spain, and now I'm going to Ireland in march, a trip that will be very expensive, I can tell. I also fear that my reason for wanting to go to Argentina is the desire to somewhat replicate my experience in Spain, but I know that it would be impossible to do so. I don't know what it is, but I am seeking something else. I miss that feeling of freedom, of being unbound.

I'm tired, it's late and, now, I have a headache. I will continue to watch South Park until I fall asleep, perhaps I will have the energy to blabber about my demise tomorrow.
But for now, peace.