Not understanding

Lately, I've been thinking about why things happen the way that they do. Not that I have anything to complain about. It's just that nowadays I'm left wondering what is it about life that makes you want to observe and appreciate it in all its glory? I came back from Spain, and I can't believe that I have to change my speech in order to adapt it to the current reality, the reality that tells me that it's been more than a year since I got there, even though it feels like it was yesterday. And I think about how long will I feel this way, when will the feeling of missing it ever go away?

I'm aware of the fact that I am not perfect, but I cannot be held accountable for things over which I have absolutely no control over. I've been thinking about people's purpose and what is it that they are meant for in life, and if I had to pick a purpose for my life I would have to say that it would be honesty. Yes, honesty. I will never shut my mouth if it involves me not standing up for what I believe in. I know that I am not perfect, and that a lot of times I end up stepping in my own pile of shit, but I can't shut up.

So I am obviously veering away from my initial point, but I feel that my actions have an effect even when my intentions do no entail for them to have one. When I rant and I criticize something that I don't agree with, I do it with the intention of letting things out of my system and, in a way, to teach a lesson. Right, who am I to teach a lesson? I have no need to cause any sort of unnecessary discord if the issue does not pertain to me somehow. Which is why I think that my purpose in life is to show people to be honest. To be honest with themselves, honest with others. Once you are honest you can finally be free, you know? People need to be honest with themselves, regardless of what that entails. One should not have to hide their feelings or their thoughts due to feeling that they should not be. It's as if I am a broken mirror that deflects the lies that others try to present me. It's broken because it shows some distortion, but that intentional distortion is meant to show a different angle, different perspective of your own self. She is right and wrong. I do know you more than you or anyone else ever will. But she's wrong by assuming that there is malice inside of me. You more than anyone should know this. I do not weave a maleficent plan to ruin people's lives. Quite the opposite, I unknowingly show people the things they do not want to see or choose to ignore. Most of the times that gets me in trouble, but you know what, I will take my chances. I don't believe in dishonesty, especially the dishonesty that pains people and causes so much unhappiness.

I can't even believe I am playing this game and replying to something I should not even be held accountable for. Because we are little kids and have to hide the fact that we communicate with each other without really doing so. Bullshit.

While I do agree that my act of criticism against what you may call freedom of speech could have been carried away, I do think that everyone is in their right to express their opinions. But when those opinions are expressed in a manner that seek to demean a concept or, worse, a person, then it deserves to be criticized and judged in return. Only then will the one who judges realize that their side is not the only one, and that the ignorance that they preach is invalid and out of place. I tend to play judge most of the time against those things that I disagree with, but it's only because I feel that you cannot criticize things in such a way that insults something and then blame it upon freedom of speech AND on top of that, expect for no one to say a word about it. So many things arise from that act alone that it feeds on anger, and then reciprocity (which is what I've done, you see how that caused my anger).

In the end, you cannot blame a tsunami in Asia by the flapping of a butterfly's wings in Brazil. Don't blame your unhappiness on my words, because we all know that the answer goes way beyond a stupid little blog about vampires.

Let's be real here, we are adults. Let's be honest.